Archive for July, 2010

I have gone through so much with my weight and with body issues and I feel that with beginning this blog, I need to explain where I’ve come from.

I was always chubby as a kid and my mum was awful to me about it. I remember being about ten years old and my mum telling my friend who was one of those naturally very skinny girls, that she should help me exercise. It was around that age that I started a long obsession with weighing myself and counting calories and restricting what I ate. I went through a growth spurt when I was 12 and grew to the same height I am today at 23 so not only was I chubby but I was also taller than everyone and I felt so BIG compared to everyone, especially boys and my best friend who was (and still is) 4’11″. It was the beginning of high school and my friends were getting their first boyfriend – I was being called a blimp.

When I was 15 I became even more obsessed with counting calories. I went days without eating, I knew exactly how many calories were in every food and I would berate myself if I ate more than 500 calories in a day. I went running every morning and spent at least an hour every afternoon at the gym and I was really skinny. My hipbones stuck out and my collarbones protruded. Once, after eating nothing for nearly five days, I fainted – face first onto concrete and was left with a bloody lip and a scar under my nose. When I look back at photos of myself at that time, now I cringe at how sickly I looked. This was the only time in my life that my mother told i was an acceptable weight. It was definitely the most unhappy i have ever been.

When I reached 20 I started to finally accept that my body shape/type/size was just naturally bigger and I started to be ok with it. It was hard because my mother was always telling me I was too fat and that I shouldn’t wear certain things and making comments like ‘are you sure you really need that?’ anytime I opened the fridge. When I was 22 I made the hardest but ultimately most positive choice I have ever made – I cut off all contact with my mother and thus removed all of that negativity from my life. I turn 24 next month and I completely love my body. I’m a size 14 – 18 and I have a belly and chubby arms and a big bum and I think I look great, I wouldn’t change a thing. I eat whatever I feel like, I do enough exercise, I’m healthy and I’m happy and I’m so glad that I have finally got to a place where I feel like this.

Recently I was thinking about all that I went through when I was younger and I wished that I’d seen more beautiful, well dressed fat women because maybe that would have helped me realise that to be attractive, you don’t necessarily have to be thin. Also I think there is a lack of plus-sized fashion and general body acceptance in Australia and I would like to do whatever is in my power to help change that. I made this blog to show that being fat doesn’t have to mean looking frumpy or wearing baggy, shapeless clothes.